New Interests?

Hello!

As of late, I've realized I have a few new hobbies and interests. I think they've only surfaced now because they were masked by my depression and laziness before my super fantastic tonsilloadenoidectomy! ANYWAY!

Right, so, the main new hobby: cooking! So fun! It allows me to be creative and I always feel like a chemist when I'm experimenting with new ingredients and methods. And so far, I haven't made anything gross! The best part about cooking is you get to eat everything afterwards and I like eating.

I call my cooking style "simple". When I find a recipe online, I usually try and simplify it. Example: I looked up garlic baked chicken and got some complicated crazy thing with weird herbs etc. So this is my version:

Ingredients:
- some chicken
- some garlic all chopped up (maybe two cloves? Whatever you want!)
- some random herbs you find around
- a couple jalapenos all cut up (but you don't have to if you don't like them)
- some kind of oil

Method:
Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Put the chicken in a baking dish. Throw a whole bunch of oil and all the other things on the chicken. Bake for about 35 mins (flipping chicken every so often), or until it looks done to you. Yummy! You could also throw onions in there, any combo of fresh and dried herbs, whatever you find around! It can be different every time!

One thing that bothers me about other people's baking and cooking is how they get so crazy anal about accuracy. Honestly people, it doesn't matter all that much. I made zucchini bread the other day and I accidentally put in a whole cup more of zucchini than I was supposed to, and it turned out delicious! I remember baking with a friend back in highschool and she would slowly measure the things in the measuring cups and then carefully level them off with a knife. Waste. Of. Time. Just eyeball it. Don't even eyeball it, just scoop it and throw it in; I'm sure it's fine.

Also, I love making smoothies. That is all.

I've been repaired.

Alright, so update:

Surgery went well! The first thing I did when I woke up in the recovery room was squirm about and then I shouted "I can breathe! And smell!" The nurses weren't as excited as I was and they replied, "That's nice"; they just didn't understand.

I cannot express how satisfying and refreshing it is to be able to breathe through my nose! After being a mouth-breather for all of my life, it's really weird. I've always felt like my nose was plugged up but now the air just FLOWS! My smell isn't very strong, but it's there! Danny has been taking me everywhere to smell things and it's all very overwhelming. Also, my voice has been raised a little bit. My roommate said I sound like I'm on helium and another friend said I "don't sound sick". No more nasally-ness!

As for sleep: no more gasping noises and not breathing! The other day I woke up alert and it was really weird. I still don't quite feel "myself" yet, so I still feel a bit sleepy and sore. I'm just so excited for everything now! I can finally live my life.

It's not a happy ending, it's a happy beginning! (good one, Vanessa).

Here we go...

Alright, so it's just about time for me to go under and around the knife! The surg is this Friday. To add to my scrutinizingly boring week of recovery at my parents house (where, I remind you, there is NOTHING TO DO!) I've decided to stay off of Facebook. This will prevent any and all cases of constant status updates explaining how my throat hurts and which liquid food I just ate and perhaps some angry comments on others' statuses complaining about pain or suffering ("You don't even know!!" Calm down, V. Someone has died, that's insensitive.)

Alright. Wish me luck, kiddies. I will get back to you when I'm more healed and coherent about how my life has drastically improved after a simple surgery.

I am so tired.

As most of you know, I has le sleep apnea. Only four more weeks until my life altering surgery! Can't wait! :)

In the meantime, my lack of sleep has been affecting me in more obvious ways. Here is a breakdown:

1) Memory Retention:
- If I read my notes or textbook for my classes for 15 minutes, I really only obtain up to 20% (usually less) of the material I just read (and it's never the important stuff... "V, what did you learn while you just read that?" "Uhm... somethin about a lung and a radiator...")
-  Names of people = terribly hard for me to remember. In fact, I usually forget I actually met them in the first place. Makes for mucho embarrassing moments.
- Numbers. I used to brag about how I could remember people's birthdays. Not anymore! :(  (at least I have Facebook). But also just remembering a number for a few seconds (e.g. when someone texts you a number that you have to call -- I always have to write it down because I can't remember seven digits for four seconds)
- Things that happen in books and movies. I couldn't for the life of me tell you what that chick's name is in 1984. Is that even the correct title of the book? Anyway, I read that book about eight months ago and most of what I read has disappeared. Did she even have a name? All I can think of is Big Brother and overalls. The Diary of Anne Frank: I've read that about 8 times. What were her siblings names? Did she have siblings? SEE WHAT I MEAN?! As for movies: all I can ever remember is what the characters looked like, kinda.

2) General Brain Power:
- This has really been affecting me lately. My brain feels like mush. Sometimes, it's hard for me to put sentences together. I can't keep up with puns and references. It takes me twice as long to just think because my brain is so slow. I feel like I'm a lawn mower in a race against a train.

3) Sleepiness:
- No matter how long I sleep, I am always at the same level of tired (except if I sleep less than four hours, wherein I'm completely useless and can't function). SO FRUSTRATING!!
- I am constantly falling asleep. I'm afraid to drive by myself for more than fifteen minutes because I will drift off. It's been so long since I've watched an entire movie without falling asleep and I can't read for more than ten minutes without dozing off. Class: definitely asleep. Any dull moment in my day: I'm guaranteed to be sleeping.

4) Anxieties:
- Because of the lack of sleep, my brain goes a little nuts-o. In my head, everyone talks about me behind their back, everyone is judging me, making fun of me, hating me.
- If my mind starts with one negative thought, it trips out and spews eight hundred more negative thoughts, and it becomes a train wreck; all because of one innocent thought such as, "Will I have enough time to go to the bank today?" Which could easily be diffused with "No, I'll  go tomorrow". But my brain goes off in a tangent and starts remember all the other things I have to do, Oh no, now I have no time to do anything, what am I to do, I'm screwed.

5) Immune System:
- Terrible! Because of the no sleep thing, my body can't function correctly. Thus, I get sick all the time quite easily. I think this past semester, I've been sick a total of six weeks (out of 12). Super awesome fun times.

Not to mention the lack of concentration and not being able to smell or breath... those are also bummers. Hopefully all fixed in four weeks!!

Anyway, I hope this all wasn't too negative. I usually keep all this to myself and say things like "I'm fine, I'm used to it now", but even so, I shouldn't have to be used to something so horrible.

I think I wrote this mostly because I hear people complain about being tired. Sure, you may be sleep deprived because of school, I understand. Lot's of stress, blah blah. But just try and think, the next time you are tired: imagine being that tired for four or more years of your life. Imagine having the opportunity to sleep, but it makes no difference. Imagine what it does to your mind, to you body. And remember that you're lucky for being tired for only a few days, then being able to catch up on zzz's.

On a lighter note: now accepting suggestions of things I should try smelling when I get my sense of smell back!

Time for my yearly blog...

So, maybe I'm paranoid, but I'm sitting across from someone in the atrium, and my tummy growmled (not a typo), and then the girl looked up at me. She was listening to music... I hope it was just a coincident.

So, basically this post is just for Becca (hi, Becca!) because no one else reads this. Except for my boss, if I tell him I blooged (hi, Chief!). I think that's the main reason I don't keep up with this.

So, I really think there should be some ground rules for riding the bus. And I don't mean "no food, no hitting the bus driving" type rules. I mean, no stupid people rules. The more I ride the bus, the more Guelph appears to swell with creepers.

A very important rule that should be carried out on the bus is that strangers should not be allowed to invite themselves into other people's conversations. Just the other day, I was sitting on the bus when three girls came on. One girl said to the others, "My house is freezing!". The crazy lady near by pitched in with (and I'm going to type crazily to illustrate how crazy she is), "my FurnAce is BRoKen! MY HousE is So VEry colD! I HaD to turn On the oVEn so ONLy onE roOm wAs waRM, thE kitCHen! I HavE two aNImAlS, a Cat and A RaBBIt, SO I got TheM fROm the BasEMent and PuT tHEm by thE HeaT so They werEn'T so ColD!...." The girls nodded nervously. The woman went on until they got off, and then stared at me, but I avoided her glare so she wouldn't continue her rabbit and cat story to me. I wish it wasn't rude to say "Please, you are creepy and I don't want you to talk to me. Go away."

A variation of this is when creepy old men just start talking to girls. I have seen this happen so many times. What old men need to know is, if you're not related to them, as soon as you talk to a young girl you're creepy. You're also creepy if you mutter to yourself.

An exception to the above rule is correcting people. If you overhear someone say something like "So, the current prime minister of Canada, Jean Chretien, is apparently blah blah blah...", you're allowed to jump in and say, "You are obviously stupid, that is not the current prime minister of Canada...". You then must exit the conversation, unless otherwise invited to continue.

Another bus situation that bothers me is on the way to school when it's busy and students take up eighteen seats for themselves. Especially when people are standing, and they still have their bag on the seat beside them. Really? Are you the only person here? You don't see anyone but yourself? Great, that's super!

Why can't guys sit directly beside each other on the bus? They always sit spaced out, and then continue their obnoxious conversation together. Example: the bus was full, so I sat between two guys, and they continued to talk above my head. It was weird. What, because you're sitting right beside someone you might be labelled gay? No homo!

Well, this has been fun.

Circle of Frustration

All I want right now is to be able to study with full concentration or without falling asleep. That would be prime. I'm tired of wasting hours at a time trying to retain information, and coming away with, "Well, I know the topic was about mitochondria...". Maybe someday I won't have the memory of a goldfish.

School has begun again. It's the second week, and I'm drowning already. Although, not by much. I'm keeping up alright, it's just...I don't wanna!

Let's see...my to-do list for tonight is:
- Population Ecology assignment (due on Thurs)
- Comparative Animal Physiology (CAP) assignment (due next Mon)
- CAP reading (about 15 pages from the text)
- Cell Biology reading (go over lectures)
- Integrative Biology of Invertebrates (practice questions)
- download the text for Aquatic Environments

Yup! Just four more semesters and hopefully I will be done. School is my main focus in life right now. I'm trying not to think of anything else, just take one day at a time. I can do it! I believe in ME!

Things that break, but I'm too lazy to fix...

The biggest broken thing in my life right now, besides my computer, is myself. Yeah, I still have sleep apnea. It's super annoying. Symptoms include wild mood swings, poor memory retention, constant fatigue, a lack of concentration, a weak immune system and terrifying gasping sounds while sleeping. Sometimes I think of all these things and think "How do I live? How do I even get on with my day to day life?" Sleepily...and clumsily. It's a miracle I've made it this far in University.

The most annoying thing is my doctor. My first visit pertaining to my nose was about six years ago maybe, when I was having trouble breathing, and I was losing my sense of smell. Good ol' Dr. Moustachio (p.s., not his real name), said "Well, Vanessa, I don't deny you have problems breathing, but you're young and healthy...here are some crappy nasal sprays to help". Surprise; they didn't work.

With my breathing problems becoming worse, I went to see a Naturopath. She gave me some weird pills that had nothing to do with breathing. "To help cleanse your cells", she explained. Surprise; they didn't do anything.

So, a year later, I went to see Mr. Mustachio again, hoping he would realize this is a major issue that needed to be looked after. "I think I have sleep apnea, and it's making me tired all the time", I pleaded to him. "Well, Vanessa, I can't say that you do or do not have sleep apnea, but you're young and healthy...here are some crappy nasal sprays for you to try...the same ones that I gave you six years ago, in fact". Ugh...the nasal sprays were so useless that they had already been DISCONTINUED! Thanks, Doc.

But this time, he referred me to a sleep clinic, so not all was a complete waste of time. I went in, and they attached things to me, I slept, they woke me up, and I went home. Weeks went by, and I expected to hear something from either sleep clinic people, or the doc, saying something like "Oh my God! How are you alive??? Come get fixed, RIGHT AWAY!" But, nothing...

Anywho, I just called the Doc today, and the receptionist said "Oh, yeah, he read the results of your sleep test...he would have called you if he thought anything was wrong". UGH! WHAT?! I can just picture him reading the results to himself, "Hmm...yeah, she does have sleep apnea and she makes dying sounds while sleeping and her oxygen levels are critical...but she's young and healthy...no need to worry".

So frustrating! I have an appointment in a month...I feel like I'm dealing with the government, where it takes years to actually get a problem sorted out. Wish me luck!

Getting through life...

...not easily done. The days seem so long. Maybe it's just the summer and it's too hot to do anything other than melt on the couch. It's most likely linked to the fact that I'm much too lazy to do anything except things that have immediate consequences if I don't do them (e.g. go to work). Mainly, I'm just tired of waiting around for something or someone to make me happy ALL the time. Not that I'm super sad or anything, it's just that I've experienced being happy always once, and now that I've had it, then lost it, life just seems like "Aw, craaaap...I have to do things".

What I'm trying to get at is...I've made a point system. Everytime I clean the house, study, do something outside, eat vegetables etc, I get a sticker! I haven't got the stickers yet...so for now I make unsatisfactory circles beside things I've done. Hopefully this will keep me motivated?

I've also planned out the rest of my University career, which is highly motivational. The next two years now look more like a smooth, straight road, rather than a confusing maze. I just can't wait to be DONE!!! My awesome roomie also switched majors into something more similar to mine, and therefore WE CAN TAKE CLASSES TOGETHER!! Which I am looking forward to muchly! Now I'm not forced to make new friends! Not that new friends are bad, I'm just not good at making and keeping them.

Sigh...just two more years, just two more years, just two more years...

Ps: Local Natives = excellent band! :)

Be Confident!

I am a push-over. Yes. It has recently come to my attention that this is not good. For example; my housemates tend to take advantage of my push-over-ness. They like to break my things, and then not tell me/apologize or anything...because they can get away with it. I think my problem is that I'm not quick enough to think "Heeeey, wait a miiiinute!..." Instead, my mind usually goes "Ugh, man! That sucks". I need to ask questions right away. Next time a cup is broken (I don't think there are any left to be broken, actually...niiice), I need to be all "How and why did this happen, and where and when shall I get a new one from the culprits?". At least I know my new roomie would be apologetic and remorseful had she broken one of my dishes. Yay! Very Soon!!

I am also an obsessive person. My mind always needs to be in one room or another (see previous blogs). And I cannot get over one obsession until I have found a new one. This drives me crazy. I have tried so hard to get a person off of my mind, to no avail. I even tried this silly thing where everytime that person entered my mind, I would replace that thought with this simple and stupid phrase: Everyday I am better and stronger. Sometimes it worked, but sometimes my obsessive thoughts just ate that sentence, and I had to start all over again.

However, taking Invertbrate Morphology and Evolution has made me appreciate a lot of organisms. I like going outside and just flipping over rocks and leaves and looking for random Gastropods, Crustaceans and Arthropods. Yay!

One more thing: I find people directly before an exam to be highly annoying. People like to announce their stress out loud to everyone, which makes me more stressed. AND! I have one friend who loves to quiz everyone before an exam. This always makes me 500 times more stressed, because he asks obscure questions that I don't know the answer to, and then I go into freak-out mode. And if people aren't explaining how stressed out they are, then they're bragging about how much they studied, which is always significantly more than I have. Guh!