I am so tired.

As most of you know, I has le sleep apnea. Only four more weeks until my life altering surgery! Can't wait! :)

In the meantime, my lack of sleep has been affecting me in more obvious ways. Here is a breakdown:

1) Memory Retention:
- If I read my notes or textbook for my classes for 15 minutes, I really only obtain up to 20% (usually less) of the material I just read (and it's never the important stuff... "V, what did you learn while you just read that?" "Uhm... somethin about a lung and a radiator...")
-  Names of people = terribly hard for me to remember. In fact, I usually forget I actually met them in the first place. Makes for mucho embarrassing moments.
- Numbers. I used to brag about how I could remember people's birthdays. Not anymore! :(  (at least I have Facebook). But also just remembering a number for a few seconds (e.g. when someone texts you a number that you have to call -- I always have to write it down because I can't remember seven digits for four seconds)
- Things that happen in books and movies. I couldn't for the life of me tell you what that chick's name is in 1984. Is that even the correct title of the book? Anyway, I read that book about eight months ago and most of what I read has disappeared. Did she even have a name? All I can think of is Big Brother and overalls. The Diary of Anne Frank: I've read that about 8 times. What were her siblings names? Did she have siblings? SEE WHAT I MEAN?! As for movies: all I can ever remember is what the characters looked like, kinda.

2) General Brain Power:
- This has really been affecting me lately. My brain feels like mush. Sometimes, it's hard for me to put sentences together. I can't keep up with puns and references. It takes me twice as long to just think because my brain is so slow. I feel like I'm a lawn mower in a race against a train.

3) Sleepiness:
- No matter how long I sleep, I am always at the same level of tired (except if I sleep less than four hours, wherein I'm completely useless and can't function). SO FRUSTRATING!!
- I am constantly falling asleep. I'm afraid to drive by myself for more than fifteen minutes because I will drift off. It's been so long since I've watched an entire movie without falling asleep and I can't read for more than ten minutes without dozing off. Class: definitely asleep. Any dull moment in my day: I'm guaranteed to be sleeping.

4) Anxieties:
- Because of the lack of sleep, my brain goes a little nuts-o. In my head, everyone talks about me behind their back, everyone is judging me, making fun of me, hating me.
- If my mind starts with one negative thought, it trips out and spews eight hundred more negative thoughts, and it becomes a train wreck; all because of one innocent thought such as, "Will I have enough time to go to the bank today?" Which could easily be diffused with "No, I'll  go tomorrow". But my brain goes off in a tangent and starts remember all the other things I have to do, Oh no, now I have no time to do anything, what am I to do, I'm screwed.

5) Immune System:
- Terrible! Because of the no sleep thing, my body can't function correctly. Thus, I get sick all the time quite easily. I think this past semester, I've been sick a total of six weeks (out of 12). Super awesome fun times.

Not to mention the lack of concentration and not being able to smell or breath... those are also bummers. Hopefully all fixed in four weeks!!

Anyway, I hope this all wasn't too negative. I usually keep all this to myself and say things like "I'm fine, I'm used to it now", but even so, I shouldn't have to be used to something so horrible.

I think I wrote this mostly because I hear people complain about being tired. Sure, you may be sleep deprived because of school, I understand. Lot's of stress, blah blah. But just try and think, the next time you are tired: imagine being that tired for four or more years of your life. Imagine having the opportunity to sleep, but it makes no difference. Imagine what it does to your mind, to you body. And remember that you're lucky for being tired for only a few days, then being able to catch up on zzz's.

On a lighter note: now accepting suggestions of things I should try smelling when I get my sense of smell back!